Its been a while since I last posted up here. Things have taken a turn for the worse. My therapist and I had a serious talk about treatment if I were to have to go, how long would it probably be if I had to go, and what can I do to prevent me having to go.

So she talked to the WISH program at my school and she said that the nutritionist is free of charge, and sine I'm 18 I can sign the paperwork. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this because I want to get better, but the ed has almost become a friend of mine. My birthday was last week and so I pretty much had a binge week with my gigantic cake, but now my ana thoughts are starting to creep into my mind again (although they were never really gone).

I'm pretty nervous about going to the nutritionist and I really feel like I'm alone in my recovery process. I want to take my friend with me, but he is all for me getting sent off to a clinic so I'll get better. I feel like I'm getting cornered with everything and just thinking about going to the nutritionist makes me feel like I'm about to have a panic attack. I don't want to go at all, but I can't afford going to the clinic.

Can anyone give me any advice about what the first time with a nutritionist is like for people who suffer from anorexia?