This is without judging. Something was going on between you and this partner-man, who claimed that he had feelings for you. There must have been mutual attraction, as you experienced your love for him, and with all this going on - there were plans to join with him. You gave up a lot. Then suddenly there's no contact from him? Leaving you to sort all this out. And you will sort through it all. You have more options (instead of suicide) - so get that out of your mind right now. As for your marriage - if you do wish to rework it - perhaps this is a possibility? Allow yourself some time to calm down. Allow yourself some time to grieve the losses that you have experienced and that are hurting you. You will heal. Take care of yourself. (addendum: instead of heading into this period of "limbo" with discomfort - try to realize the value of this limbo period, for reflection, revising your plans, and maybe set some new goals, even develop some new interests).