My mother died from cancer last year. She emotionally abused me from my childhood onwards and on her deathbed she seemed so full of hatred and vindictiveness towards me. 2 weeks before she died she seemed to take delight in asking me to read her Will in front of her and my brother. In that Will she had had a legal clause drawn up that said she was cutting me out of everything. My brother has inherited everything and he is treating me the same way as my mother did over the years - just abusing me. He is 2 years older than me and has (undiagnosed) Aspergers Syndrome I think but as his behaviour is so nasty and vindictive towards me I am inclined to think he has some personality disorder(s) on top.

My relationship with my father was very close until he died and he was very supportive of me growing up. My mum seemed to resent this and sought to take out that resentment on me. I pity her because her firstborn had Downs Syndrome and died after 2 months. That baby was a little girl and I wonder whether she rejected me from birth because she couldn't come to terms with the death. This is all speculation though as I attempt to find answers to help explain it. Some days I cope with it all but I am having nightmares quite frequently and struggle with why my mother, who should have loved me, didn't love me at all and was cold and horrible to me my whole life. My poor father would be turning in his grave now if he knew how she had behaved. I have days where I feel complete despair too with my brother who cannot communicate with me at all yet I have been made aware of the fact that he is now bad mouthing me behind my back. I never did anything to him or mum to deserve this other than I tried to grow up as a good person who wants to have strong supportive friendships with others. I am almost the total opposite of her and my brother in terms of personality.

My mother has tried to totally screw me up. I am scared I will never truly get over my childhood and the trauma and drama of her death.