Age 3:

I'm happy, I feel loved and safe

Age 4:

I'm daddy's little princess he is the best father in the whole world. He plays games with me and he is so fun! I love him so so much as I do my mum.

Age 5:

My daddy is now often angry with me and my mum. He screams and she cries. I have to be good and not cause problems!

I am scared to go to sleep there are ghosts coming to my room and hurting me. Mum and dad say it is just a dream but it is not!…or is it?

Age 6:

I don´t know what to do my daddy is not my daddy anymore he is like a monster now. I am scared of him I want my old daddy back! My mum cries a lot and when she comes to my room after they fight I tell her everything is going to be ok…I hope it will. I asked my granny to tell my dad to be nice again. He would listen to her right?

Age 7:

A big boy visited us and he asked me if I want to play games with him and I said Yes but I did not like it and it hurt so much. I wanted him to stop but he wouldn't. I can't tell anyone or we will get in big trouble because you are not suppose to do these things.

My mum asked me if she should divorce my dad but I am scared of that. What would happen? What would that mean? I still hope my good daddy will come back again soon and things will be ok. So I said: “NO mummy don´t get divorced.”

Age 8:

I'm bad my parents argue a lot because of me and I make my daddy so angry all the time. He tells me I´m stupid and ugly and a lot of other things. I try so hard to do things right but he gets mad no matter what I do. Maybe they would be happy again if I leave for ever?

Age 9:

I'm so afraid of my father he is so mean to me all the time. He drinks vodka a lot and I don't know what to do. He tells me he would kill me if I make him mad enough. I don't want to die. My mum is at work all the time and when I see her she is so tired and sad, she can´t help me. Nobody can

Age 10:

My father beat me bad I felt terrified that he would keep his promise but then right there and then I realized it is ok if I die it is actually not that scary at all. I don't feel afraid anymore ….actually I don't feel much of anything

Age 13:

I like to day dream a lot now I have this whole new world in my head and I like it there.

Age 15:

My father is in a hospital in critical condition, he might die and I don't care!

… I'm a horrible person to feel like that. Maybe my father is right I am stupid and worthless and just no good at all.

My mum reminded me that it was my decision that made us stay with my father as I asked her to not divorce him (age 7) so I can´t complain about it now.

Age 18:

I have my first boyfriend! He is nice to me .. wow! He doesn´t scream at me and he doesn´t tell me all these horrible things like my father does.He is even really good looking wow I can´t believe my luck! I am so grateful he likes me even I don´t understand how somebody can.

Later:

We had sex he was very rough I'm still bleeding two weeks later. I collapsed at school and had to go to emergency. But never mind he did not mean to. He is so good to me otherwise. I can deal with this, everything has a price … right?

Later:

I find out I´m adopted … I feel numb to everything at this point.

Age 19:

I am getting the hell out and moving to a different country….there has to be something better then this out somewere