When I dream of becoming the woman I have always felt like I was inside, I don't visualize myself as "the old man in a dress" which would be my reality were I to transition at this stage in my life. I imagine myself as a young woman with hair flowing down past my shoulders wearing skinny jeans and boots... oh, yes... BOOTS... I absolutely ADORE women's boots. Years ago, when boots were popular for men, & I was younger, I always wore them.

Such are the dreams of an old tranny. From time-to-time, nowadays, I imagine myself running off & living as the crazy old tranny I feel like I am inside at this point. I'd look something like Hazel Witch. I'd dress in women's clothes & use lots of make-up to create a sort of worn-out androgynous look. I'd walk with a cane. People would stare as I walked by. They'd whisper to one another: "was that a man or a woman?" "I think it was a man, dressed like a woman...or..." (Giggle...) I wouldn't care what they thought... or said because I'd finally be free.

Of course, this will never happen. I'm much too conscious of what other people think. I was brought up to adhere to strict standards of conduct. Manners were very important. And maintaining the proper public image was paramount. Over the years, I've shed quite a bit of this, as has society. But there's still a hard core of 19th-century-small-town-America standards at my center. So although that crazy old tranny exists within me, I could no more allow her to come out than I could walk naked down the street. It's just not in me to do so.