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Old Apr 18, 2014, 08:18 PM
Anonymous35111
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon View Post
I don't think it's as black and white as you're trying to make it. Going to therapy means making yourself vulnerable, which is hard for most people and especially hard for some men. Telling someone that you're seeing a therapist means not only making yourself vulnerable in that moment, but also admitting to vulnerability and that you're exploring that with someone. It's a very personal thing, and even in a relationship, people are allowed to hold some things private. He told you when he was ready - and you got angry instead of thanking him for sharing that. Instead of a positive reaction, he got a negative one. For someone that is used to hiding emotions and struggles with being vulnerable, getting that kind of reaction basically says "this person isn't safe to share things with" and it encourages keeping secrets. It doesn't mean he's naturally a liar, it means he doesn't feel safe sharing thing.

I don't think it's as black and white as just he's honest or he's a liar. Is keeping something private being dishonest? Is sharing something when you feel ready, rather than when someone else expects to hear it being dishonest? Is it a lie to choose not to share something because you know it will not be received in a positive manner? Just something to think about.
Everything you wrote really struck a chord with me. I may need to PM you, if that's ok.

I generally share everything with him and I struggle with being vulnerable so I don't understand needing things to be safe or right to tell certain truths. I feel like it should be told to your partner right away or it is lying by omission. Note: I do not see anyone who chooses not to share that they are in therapy with a mate as doing something wrong. I took issue with my fiancé doing it because it's a trigger given our past trust issues. I really appreciate you all offering me advice as people who've chosen not to share that they are in therapy with their mates. I would like to better understand this. I see going to therapy at all as a very great thing. I see a therapist once a week.

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Last edited by Anonymous35111; Apr 18, 2014 at 08:36 PM.