I hear you! Most of the time I also wonder why I continue when I just want to stop or be stopped.

For me, I am learning that experiencing the pain in life is a huge part of my life. No idea why. But letting myself experience all of that moves me from one day to the next.

Now that I finally figured out that was going on I am learning how to turn that misery into fuel for other things like my art and poetry.

Sometimes joy can be like the icing on a cupcake... just too sweet when all you want is plain cornbread. :-)