Quote:
Originally Posted by ikarlink
I have loved the same man for 6 years. He is older than myself by quite a few years - we're not colleagues as such, but we work together almost everyday in a professional environment. This is, to an extent, one of the main reasons why the feelings will never be returned. The position that he holds is... incompatible in terms of pursuing a relationship with me, if that makes sense.
It wasn't until 2 years ago that I truly appreciated just how hopeless the situation was. He pretty much told me, point blank, that the feelings weren't returned. I was hurt and humiliated - I was fairly young (18) so it had an even bigger impact on my already shaky self esteem and insecurities. I was in a very dark place for a long time that I never want to return to. What made it worse was that he was consistently lovely - kind, patient, thoughtful. It was everything I first fell in love with him for and there it was, staring me in the face when all I wanted him to do was be horrible to me because that's what I felt I deserved.
He is now in a relationship in which he seems very happy - which is what I want. That, of course, doesn't stop me harbouring feelings of jealousy and upset. Despite my best efforts to move on from him, I feel like I can't be in a relationship with, or give myself to, anybody else because they're not him. 
When will I be able to move on!? If ever..
What are other people's experiences with this? Did you ever find someone else? |
Speaking from experience (that I wouldn't wish on anybody) you may eventually get past it if you cut contact completely (don't see him, don't find out a thing about him, like he fell off the face of the Earth), and it will take a few years. When eventually he becomes nothing but a memory which is stepping farther and farther away, you will start seeing that other men exist - you're not dead yet, girl. But if he's still in front of your eyes, in your life - no hope.
Yes, there came a time about 3-4 years later I started liking someone else. He is ridiculously hot, it's pretty much raw chemistry and sexual frustration on my part after years of heartbroken solitude. Nothing came out of it though, he has no feelings for me. We talked about fwb, but it didn't happen, I'm not the type.
So yeah, I can say that old love stopped torturing me with the help of no contact and time. Nothing took its place though.