I was always afraid of drugs and against them. I thought they would change who I was. And I didn't want to be dependent. I still try to take as little as possible. Sometimes it makes you feel odd having all those prescription drug bottles lined up - like what's wrong with me? The other thing I noticed is that when I don't take the drugs I get back to the same fears about them and don't want to take them. When I do take the drugs, I don't feel that way at all - instead I feel more like myself and in control. Because I was without drugs for so long I'm now learning who I am really. Wish I hadn't been so stubborn and fearful earlier about them. I still don't like the idea of being dependent on them though - I hope that eventually with life changes I won't need them. Hard to tell. Plus they can be hard on the body.