I was off my meds about 6 years ago I thought I wanted to die so I swallowed pills. I left a note and everything. I woke up in the hospital on a ventilator 2days later. They got me back on my meds and I was really glad that my husband came home when he did and found me before it was too late. Whenever I feel like I just want the world to end I try to think back to that feeling of relief. My pdoc tells me to think before I act and to try not to be impulsive and do something I can't take back. Those terrible lonely feelings do go away and normal does come back. You aren't weird.