dear red squirrel, welcome to pc. i am so sorry about your ex husband's passing and for how you are feeling because of it. i really feel you have nothing to feel guilty about. your ex husband's problems started way before your time with him and that is what led to his death, not your leaving him. you can only do so much. trying to heal someone who was wounded like he was is a monumental task that even professionals like therapists cannot always accomplish. So please go easy on yourself and give yourself the credit you deserve for having cared for him like you did. btw, there is an addictions forum on pc that you might want to check out. anyways, i really hope you will one day come to some peace over this and allow yourself to be happy again. again, you deserve it. wishing you well.