I wish I could offer you more than words. I myself have not gone through this exactly. My father died in 2007 and at age 57 and he is always with me. A young person taken in the prime of life can make things very rough especially a best friend or romantic other in our lives.

I would suggest just trying to therapy as it is not normal for this event to hit a person this hard. Greif is of course different for all people but 10+ years and your saying that now it is as if just happened is showing me that there are some repressed emotions and thoughts that should be discussed in the correct ways and in the correct context with someone who knows more than I do.

All we have in life is the memory of anyone we know. When we walk away or close our eyes it is their memory we keep with us and when we see them again it reaffirms these memories and allows new memories to be made with them. Cherish the memories and think of what their presence met in your life as a special treasure but focus as well on your future and the new memories to come.

"May all your lawn mowers FLY"