Thanks for caring...means a lot especially when i am not proud of what i'v done....i cannot get professional help, it's an illicit thing....i know i need to engage my mind with a job....but that's going to be very hard to come by...i go crazy with uncertainty at times...i feel abandoned and worthlesss most times and so very let down by that one person who meant so much...while he just walked away....just like that...why do you think he did it? I don't think i can rework my marriage....it had not had anything in it for a long time now...