The thing is, something like volunteering may be good when I'm on an even keel again- just not now. I get where people are coming from when they say to help others or to volunteer - they think that helping people helps to get your mind off of your own problems. And that's helpful for different people in different situations, but not when someone's struggling just to get out of bed, and when things like taking a shower and going through the mail seem like monumental tasks. My T and I came up with a list of goals to set, and I wrote down several different things, but at the same time, I didn't want to overwhelm myself and set myself up to fail. She said "That's not really a lot." She suggested going to a movie. There's nothing that I really want to see, and spending time and money on a movie that I don't want to watch isn't going to help me. She almost sounded offended when I said I did not want to do that.

Sometimes I think that people forget that what may help them may not necessarily help someone else. She thinks that I should find another job, because when I tell her about it, she says that it would drive her crazy. Maybe she's trying to empathize, but at the end of the day, it's not about her. I said that I'm looking into vitamin and mineral supplementation, and I'm finding that most of us are deficient in some crucial minerals. She said, "I don't think that's the problem." My GP also sounds like she's throwing spaghetti against the wall to see what sticks. She was going to prescribe Wellbutrin along with what I'm already taking, even though (and she has this in her notes) that it made me break out in a rash.

Just because I have depression and anxiety doesn't mean that I'm stupid. I have a hard time verbalizing what's wrong, but I guess I just don't feel "heard", or that my concerns are being negated.