Dylan, I can relate, I grew up in a large family with an alcoholic father that only came around when he had money, for a night. I can't say he was very abusive to me, except on one occasion when he chased an older sister and myself around the dining room in a drunken stupor, trying to hit us with clenched fists. I was second to the youngest and the only child that received any form of caring was my younger brother, which in of itself was very lacking. Not only did we not receive love, our parents would get pleasure in making us feel uncomfortable, angry and insecure, this seemed to be a bond the two of them shared. I may be somewhat older than you, I have been married had a child (this boy was the only person I could have shown love for). None of my relationships last very long, I have a mistrust in most people to this day. When I have good relationships with others, friends or dating, I tend to turn my back on them for fear of being used. I am not religious, but I have something like a built in good-bad meter if you will. I actually get physically sick if I even think of stealing or lying to anyone. Not sure how that happened to me. In short, I hope you find a way to overcome this lack of feeling love, please keep searching and I hope you don't become as lonely as I have been, all my life.