We met online on a cheating website. I am single, divorced. We have been chatting on yahoo for a year and a half. We met in person last summer. At first, I wasn't sure I liked him. I had a picture in my mind of what he was like and it wasn't the same.

I liked the fact that he actually talked to me, and got to know me. we saw each other about 5 times in a month last summer. We found a secret place to meet at, it is in public but secluded. So over the past 6 months we have not seen each other. At one point, I told him I couldn't do it anymore and we stopped talking for a week, then I started chatting with him again. It's just that when I need to chat with him, he isn't there for me. But how can he?

His wife used to work a lot of nights so we would chat online while he was home alone at night. Now she works another schedule so he hasn't been talking to me as much.

We don't know each others phone numbers or anything. But I feel like he has become a good friend online. When something in my life happens, I want to get online and tell him about it. That bothers me.

So anyway, we finally met last night after 6 months of not seeing each other. We went to our secret spot and made out like crazy. On my drive home I felt like I was in a trance or something. I told him about it and he said he feels the same way, and he likes the feeling.

I can't date any single guys right now, my life is too messed up, so I have resorted to married men. It's as if part of me wants him to fall for me, I also like the attention he shows me when he can. I just keep thinking about how he held my hand when we were walking and how he kissed my forehead.

In my life I only have booty call relationships. I don't even know how to date anyone and am afraid. My husband treated me like crap and I feel as if I was never really married. So when I have this guy holding my hand and kissing my forehead I start feeling things. But then I realize I am just a booty call. I feel like I want to say things, but I have to think about everything I say because he is married and he might think I want more, so I don't say things. or I sometimes pretend to be avoiding him so he won't think I am getting too attached but actually I am going crazy because I want to talk to him and see him.

he claims he never has sex with wife and it has been over a year. I believe him based on what he has said about it. He said they never kiss either and he hasn't kissed anyone in 6 months since the last time with me.

I randomly had sex with another married man a few months back and told him about it. I felt like I was cheating on him.

I fell for another married man 2 years ago. We had sex once at a hotel and we tried to arrange more meetings but it never worked out. I was so attracted to this one and felt like I had to act like I didn't like him either just so he wouldn't feel like I was getting too attached to him. He also said he felt weird after meeting me and didn't know what it was. Not sure if that meant he was having feelings for me or not?

There are others that want to meet me. I could have many married boyfriends if I wanted to.

But after the guy last night, I just feel trancelike, like I can't even move, a real relaxed lazy feeling, and I couldn't sleep last night either. I want more.