Okay, sorry this is really long, but I don't know what to do. I've been questioning my relationship with my boyfriend for probably 4 months now, and I'm desperate for advice. I tried to section things off and word them clearly because this whole subject is like a ball of tangled yarn in my head. Here it goes...

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years. He has changed a bit over the past year, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. We're both Christians, and he's the children's pastor's oldest son. Everyone at the church thinks that everything is great, and we're under a spotlight that I am beginning to feel uncomfortable in.

If you know me from other forums, you know that I struggle mainly with an eating disorder, but si is also in the picture... it just doesn't speak as loudly as my ed. His parents know about my struggle with si, but when his dad asked me if I had been intentionally losing weight, I lied and said no. My boyfriend knows about my ed, and he constantly worries (which is understandable), but I don't need him doing that. I just want someone to be there for me. I'm already seeing a therapist and I'm scheduled to see a nutritional counselor at the end of the month to get help. I just need support from him, and I've told him that. Multiple times.

He has changed by mainly his attitude. He will get kind of cocky and say things among the lines like, "... because I have a nice car," or, "... because my shoes are actually nice." It really bothers me, and its getting kind of mean at times. Other times, he'll act like he's "holier than thou" and it makes him look like a jerk. He keeps trying to solve my problems and he has problems of his own. He also constantly takes things way too literal from a sermon when it was an example of someone else's life. I mean, I'm glad he wants to live a Godly life because I do too, but we don't need to make rash decisions. Its not healthy.

Another thing is that he recently expressed that he has a hard time trusting me. This came up in an argument about him constantly going through my phone and looking through me pictures, instagram, and facebook. Sometimes he'll even go through my messages and my diet app. I have told him many times that my phone is my property and he is not to look through it without my permission. Its just a respect and privacy thing. I told him it bothers me, but still he does it because he feels like I'm hiding something from him and I'm not. The only thing that I have up there that I don't want him to see is my food/weight journal. Thats just my stuff... its almost like a diary.

The main thing that I question is the fact that I don't know how much I love him. I mean, don't get me wrong... he's a great guy overall and he is sweet for the most part. There are still little things that he does that really bother me, but we can work on those. I tend to go through these cycles where I don't want anyone around and I want to be on my own, and live my life how I want to live it. These swings will usually last for about a month or two. I just... I don't know. It's like I love being with him, but then there are times where I'm just ready to be done. I also feel like I'm not just in a relationship with him... its his whole family. He has 3 other siblings and his parents/grandparents absolutely love me. So if I were to break it off, I feel like I would be breaking up with the whole family. But our relationship has almost become to be like a rut. We'll hang out at church on wednesday, hang out on sunday morning, go to lunch, and then hang out at his house until it is time for band/drama practice.

I'm very wishy washy, and I truly want things to work out, but at the same time, I just want to be single. I met him when I was getting out of a really bad rebound relationship and I was messed up from the previous relationship, and now that I'm just struggling with m ed, I just want to be alone, but isolation isn't good for me. My therapist says that I shouldn't necessarily be too concerned with my relationship with him because I am only 18, and it probably wouldn't make things any better if I were to end things with him. She's right. I just don't know what to do. I'm the only person I'll have my whole life, and I only have one life. I want to do what makes me happy, but I don't want to be reckless and accidentally burn a bridge I'm not sure I want to burn.