I know how that is. I have one friend who lives really far away so for now we just Skype. I can't talk to him about the really dark parts of my life right now, even though we've been friends for years. I'm afraid if scaring him off with my negativity. The other friends I have don't contact me much anymore. They've become one sided friendships really. In person, there's no one at the moment. You lose the ability to function socially as you become more and more withdrawn. It's certainly not like riding a bike. I wish it could be like that. I've been trying to type up some ideas to help you through, but they all sound preachy and stupid coming from me. Let me know if you want any ideas though. Big hugs from me at least.