Hey there everybody. I have a problem I am not sure how to overcome. I really hope somebody who reads this is a dietitian or a physical trainer or something because I feel like I may be posting this in vain otherwise.

Okay, here goes...

I am an ectomorph. That means I burn through calories excessively fast due to my metabolic rate. I'm slightly above average height and I weigh a lot less than I should. 5'9" and 126 lbs. to be specific. So it's hard for me to utilize calories for weight gain purposes, and I've been stuck around 125 since age 13. I'm frail and thin and I can't retain body heat or lift heavy objects or do much of any really physical activity due to the fact that I can't seem to gain any muscle mass or strength.

Now, if that's not enough by itself, I also have a movement-based sleep disorder, so I burn calories in my sleep. And, as if the two weren't enough together, and here's the icing on the skinny cake, I only have 40% of my intestines, and the majority of what is missing is large intestine. That means that I don't absorb liquid nutrients properly, so the whey shakes and weight-gain shakes and ensures and all of those types of things are just a waste of money for me... expensive ingredients to dark brown stool.

Now the average person without these inhibitors who is working to attain body mass eats some 3000 calories a day on a very regimented diet, and a good deal of them come from shakes. I already have to eat that much just to not feel tired. I'm not even sure how many calories I actually absorb from my food at all. I just eat a lot and as healthily as I can, and hope I'm doing the right thing. So I anticipate to be able to gain any weight, I have to continue eating healthily, but I will have to eat more like 4500 calories of proper nutritional food just to make headway.

Now, I have to pay for all of my food out of pocket, but I'm also trying to save money to get the heck out of this place I live in right now because it's... for lack of a better way to word it, a ****-hole. So I guess the issue at hand is I need help from some guys who really know what it takes to physically improve on your physique.

I only post this here because I am embarassed to even bring it up, and this section of the forum felt safest. Being weak and frail makes me embarassed to call myself a man. I feel incapable of doing the things required of me by my job because of my physique. I feel insecure in my relationship because of my physique. That is to say, I am worried that a more manly-looking man will come and sweep my fiancee away from me. She loves me for my mind, and has said so many times, but when I hear that, what I really hear behind it is, "It's okay that you're not as manly as I'd like. I can settle for you being smart." I know she doesn't mean it that way, but if these feelings persist, I worry that it could be damaging to our relationship in the long term.

The long and short of it is... I need help.

Please...