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Originally Posted by CaptainChaos79
Your feelings are valid...the end. Just because someone else feels differently doesn't mean you are wrong. It doesn't mean they are either. It means you feel differently. That's it. You should ALWAYS be free to feel how you feel especially if your physical health is involved. An emotion is one thing but if you are hungry that is not a feeling that is a physiological need that needs to be addressed and your body is telling you so...nausea is not always a response to emotion but sometimes it's your body saying "Yo! Eat!" It is okay to eat and if there is someone around u who has a problem with that....well I think that says a hell of a lot more about them than it does about you! So you do what makes you feel better about you and to hell be da**ed with anyone who gets bent over it!
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Part of the problem with food is that my diet is pretty strict so I hate inconveniencing other people because it's partly a choice on my part (mostly it has to do with allergies and avoiding any risk of contact with foods that I'm allergic to/have problems with). Luckily, people are very understanding where I live now and are accommodating if they're able to.
I guess I'm free to feel, but not to express it. Who do I express it to without the risk of not being made fun of, not being taken advantage of, etc.?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovebird
Feelings are never right or wrong. You feel however you feel, and nobody knows it except you. It would be stupid to argue with somebody about how they feel, or should feel. And let me for sure validate what you're saying. I have had a problem recently with my brother who, no matter what I said and how many people agreed with me, would challenge or debate my position. I say up, he says down. I say black, he says white. I'm not the only one who's noticed his tendency to do that. In fact, my daughter points out that you can say the same thing word for word that my brother just said yesterday, and he'll jump in to refute it. He's being contrary on purpose. So yeah, speaking up and stating an opinion around him is quite a challenge. After a while, when you don't want everything you say turning into a lengthy formal debate, you start keeping your mouth shut.
The tendency not to ask for what you need follows from there. I am diabetic. Once when money was extremely tight, I went a month without taking insulin because I didn't want to ask my husband to pay for having it refilled. I put my own needs on the back burner because I felt that what everyone else needed was more important. I ended up in urgent care, with my glucose reading in outer space. It would have been a lot less trouble and expense to just speak up about what I needed. An ounce of prevention, and all that.
Tying both of those two paragraphs in together, that same brother discouraged me from going to the doctor when I had a serious flu and couldn't even hold water down. He thought I was too dependent on doctors, and should learn to just tough it out and take care of these things myself. By the time my sister drove me to the emergency room, I was so dehydrated that my blood pressure was in the basement. Top number in the low 70's, bottom number undetectable. I didn't even have to do the waiting room thing. They just took me right in. As a nursing assistant, I did see blood pressure readings that low a few times--always on a resident who was getting ready to leave us. I had waited until the very last minute to seek medical care. I don't recommend that anyone else do the same.
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Your brother reminds me of my dad in so many ways. He would even start an argument with you even if you agreed with him…and likes to yell and start fights when I'm there because he has to fight with someone and my mom just ignores him at this point and/or silently agrees.
And if you have a different opinion from him? You don't voice it…it takes too much energy to argue about something that is meaningless in the grand scheme of things.
Also, my parents are very distant and unable to give emotional support didn't know how to show affection towards me growing up (apparently I didn't want affection or something weird like that?) So I automatically can't go to them about my worries or sadness (unless it's money related of course). I've always felt like they've "loved" me out of duty and/or obligation. Same with the rest of the family…after all my grandparents passed away and holiday gatherings stopped happening, I didn't even talk to them (except for one aunt occasionally) again. They just disappeared…another aunt still remembers I exist and sends cards, but I don't know…it just seems empty, like it's done out of duty and because she likes making cards or because my mom makes cards for my cousins.
I don't know, I've spent my whole life being ignored unless there was no one else to pay attention to and having to practically berate people just to get them to listen to me and make them fear me just for their fake "respect".
I'm out of that environment, but I still feel like I need to look like a neon sign in order to exist. I actually get the brightest, most ridiculous clothes just so I'm "seen" but rarely do I feel heard. And even if I voice my opinion, I'm just being overly sensitive, ridiculous, etc. And, heaven forbid, if I have romantic feelings towards someone, I need to hide them and pray they don't notice because otherwise it might be creepy to them! Or they'll use that to use me. Or they'll flirt with me, thoroughly confuse me, even go on a date and never have been interested in me in the first place…even though they were attracted to me! I'm probably getting off topic, but I feel like I'm doing something horribly wrong if I'm attracted to someone and I can't express it now…not like I could express needs if I were in a relationship anyway. I would feel like I was being ungrateful; I'll just take what I can get.