Ok, you went about it the wrong way if you paid and the woman didn't show up, so you learn from that and try again in a different way. You need to build up some determination forward instead of being so determined to bash yourself and convince yourself life isn't worth it. Women are not attracted to someone who is down on themselves and just waiting for someone else to make their life worth while. The reason for that is very primitive and innate because mating was meant to bear children and a female would look for a male that is thriving and engaging life.

Just having sex to get past not having sex "yet" is something you need to pursue more. As I said, typically a lot of men can be disappointed because they don't do very well at it at first. However, nature only cared about procreation, not staying power and what we developed it into.