It's surprising that the therapist/counselors (so far) seem to be who people tell the most.

It is understandable, since they are someone who must keep what you say private, and you have the ability to never see them again if you wish. But at the same time I wonder why we can't tell the people we know?

There was a surgery I had when I was 13, and for the procedure they go into the veins located in the groin. The thought of this terrified me. I would be laying there unconscious exposed to strangers with them doing who knows what to me, and then afterward the incisions would have to be repeatedly checked by someone. I remember it tearing at me, frustrating me to no end that I couldn't explain why I didn't want to have the procedure done.

In the end I couldn't, and I went through the surgery in a silent rage that came out once I was coming out of the anesthesia. I have no recollection of it, but I was screaming and howling like a wounded animal, punching and kicking (which was incredible since I was supposed to be temporarily paralyzed from the waist down). I clocked several of the nurses and was in danger of bleeding out as they struggled to get control of me.

I still can't understand why I wasn't able to tell people back then. If that's what was inside me, why did I keep it in? Why did I bottle it up and live like that for all those years? Is it because we're afraid of the rage we can't express?