It is not unusual for siblings to rival each other to gain that "favorite child" spot in families. If you ever watched what takes place when birds lay eggs and have a few babies, these babies push each other around to gain a better position every time the parents come to the nest to feed. It is not unusual to see them push a baby down into the nest and using it as a stepping block in order to be seen by the parent with an open mouth ready for a feeding. It is also not unusual for one of the babies to get pushed out of the nest and fall to it's death too. I have birds that nest in my barn every years and I see all this happen, and yes often I find little ones on the floor and it always upsets me. Nature can be cruel, even when it comes to human beings sadly.

I have challenges with my siblings too. My sister who is the oldest was "always" very controlling and still is, insisting on always holding the holidays at her house and running the show. Well, here it is Easter, my parents are older and struggling and my sister has taken control of that, I gave up trying because of the PTSD that challenges me, my parents are too old to explain it to them and my older sister doesn't get it and has just taken over. She is having them at her house for Easter, I am not invited, that has happened a lot. So, I just stay away and let her do her thing.

There are complications in my family that I have not really shared here at PC. I have talked about what happened to me on my farm and losing so many horses/ponies from my neighbor's dog. However, there is another big challenge with my family that I rarely discuss that also tends to drain me and get me down too.

It is very hard to deal with the challenge you are describing, but even harder when also challenged with PTSD too. Just know that you are not alone with that, there are other members that have similar challenges, it is not unusual. Therapy can be frustrating at times, because when it comes to talking about what you experienced growing up, it isn't easy to put everything you have experienced and are feeling into words so that you can get the kind of validation that you are searching for. It is often an emotional rollercoaster while you try to sort through it and grieve it and find your way to healing and getting to that point where you have accepted it all to where you are able to get above it and manage it better emotionally.

The scenario that you are describing is very complex and not "easy" to grieve, and the one person that could have been a big help to you is gone, your father. You are "your father's daughter" which means the two of you were well balanced with each other and he would have provided you with the comfort and understanding that you are needing. So you are also grieving that along with grieving the mentally ill way, skewed way, your
mothers mind and your brother's mind works.

When we have a parent that we connect with because we have the same kind of personality traits and even the same kind of empathy and caring traits, we always look to that parent and their parental advice, no matter how old we get. And a loss of that parent, or whatever family member that we connect with because it can even be a grandparent that fits into that role, it is always a big loss.

That being said, it is not unusual for a mother to be a bit jealous if a daughter happens to have a closer, more connected relationship with the father then the mother has. It is not unusual for a mother to not realize what that connection means in that it can happen because the daughter is more genetically taking after her father with similar ways of interacting with and looking at life and other people as well as "like temperaments".

What you are describing of your family dimension, your mother and brother were more like minded, may have even shared the same "disorder" too. And you and your father were alike and shared the same outlook and likeable kind temperament. If it was your mother who passed first, your father would have been much "kinder" in the will. Unfortunately, it did not go that way, and because of that, you have been unfairly punished.

What I am describing is the components to your "complicated grieving". And on top of that because you have suffered abuse and you struggle with PTSD, that makes this even more difficult. I hear you sweatheart, this is a challenge. However, even though this is so very hard, even though your brother is so disconnected and doesn't even give you the pictures there of yourself. You "are" the better off person in this scenario. And that is because "you" have the temperament and balance that your father had, and that is something your brother can never have. Chances are, your brother will never be able to have or enjoy what you "can" have in his life, because you "can" build healthy connections with others, while your brother just can't. Your brother is never going to allow you to connect because he takes after your mother, which means, he does not have it in him.

You can have a good relationship with a man too, and you can do that because typically a daughter will marry or pair up with a man much like her father, and that doesn't bode well if the father was an unhealthy problematic person or even abusive. So, if your scenario was one where your mother was good, but your father was abusive, that would
challenge you in your life much more.

So even though your brother walked away with the money and the material things, you walked away with much more, and even though your father is gone, you still ended up with the very best part of your family, "his genetics and good caring mindset". So with your grieving, you need to realize what you do have, because you have the most valuable asset of all. That is something your mother or your brother can never take from you. What I just said here, is that high ground that you need to get to so you can finally stand above it all and see it all psychologically and emotionally. I understand that your father is gone, that is hard, but, with you, he really is not gone because he is right there "in you" and it will always be that way. And that is what you have to walk away with because you really did get the best part.

(((Caring Hugs))))
OE