Three hours sleep. That's something, anyway. Six months ago I invited a woman to be my roommate. Sweet, soft spoken-has severe fibormyalgia, so there's the instant sympathy thing. The last month she was in my house she-stole my clonipin, tried to destroy one of my novels, wiped all my fav recorded shows on my tv-tried to poison me-stole lots of things-alienated me from my neighbor-messed with my computer and stole my military ID, my credit card ad my S.S. card. Once she figured out that I had finally caught on, she became vicious. Even knocked me down in the yard the other day ad kept tryig to kick me. I had my cane with me so I got a few good licks in.
I just want to forget it. But that voice in my head keeps telling me what a idiot I was-that it was my fault for letting her move in, etc.
She never got around to paying her deposit, so when she stormed out she left me in a financial bind. I've lived here for eight years, way longer than I've ever lived anywhere else and really don't want to move.
I've found a new roommate, a gentleman who is a different color-so the white people next door are freaking out-the landlord (from India) is freaking out, and I say it's no ones damn business.
Guess I should have let the guy with the 65 pound pitbull move in. Or the very wierd woman I swear is a vampire. Or maybe one of those old ladies who wield their religion like a weapon. I'm into fantasy and I've got a beautiful ceramic dragon I call my guardian. One of those little old ladies walked up to him and said "I hate you." To my dragon. And I'm the crazy one.
I don't drive (sensory overload) but we still have a vehicle and it would fix so many of my day to day problems to have someone take me places from time to time. And it would be nice to have a man around to fix things and do things around the house that I can't do. Sorry for rambling. I'm just mad at myself today. The van wouldn't start and we had someone willing to give us a jump but the neighbors wouldn't move their car to let us do that.
I don't have any family and for the first time in my life, no friends.
But I refuse to play this today. I won't spend the rest of the day beating myself up. Or listen to that evil voice that whispers in my ear-"Oh, wouldn't it be so much easier just to let everything go?"
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I'm gonnna eat some wor-er-orms!
Remember that from school?
So I don't like me today. I'm angry and upset and just feel so stupid and alone. So very tired of predators.