I try to remember that transference is about "truth" and perception in a situation. If a therapist is late, that's a "truth" in the present so while yes, important others may have been late and transference may be in there but now, Alexandra's here-and-now appropriate, still is also there. It's like feeling two conflicting feelings at once which we all do. One can feel transference feelings and current feelings and both are valid. But the first time the therapist is late, most of any negative reaction or a reaction following a good explanation is going to be transference.

I remember when my therapist hurt her foot between sessions and couldn't walk well so didn't come out and "get me" from the waiting room as usual but called down the hall and "ordered" (my perception) me to come to her. I remember feeling she was too high and mighty, etc. to be bothered coming to get me and I was angry. I didn't know about her foot and it was very much a classic transference as my stepmother always expected me to come to her when she called me. I still do that to my husband, feel put upon that when he calls and I can't hear him I go to him but when he can't hear me he just keeps telling me he can't hear me but does nothing to "solve" that problem himself (by coming to where I am). I have to go to him :-) Even when I learned about my T's fall and hurt angle though "shame" and distress about my reaction was added to the mix, I still felt that somehow the whole thing was "her fault" and she should have come gotten me or "warned" me, etc. Totally unexpected, perception out of whack, transference reactions.

We never get "rid" of transference reactions and we have them to all sorts of people (as shown with my husband). When my T was teaching me about feelings, what they were/felt like and how to identify them, etc. she gave me the task as I left one week to think about "disappointment". The next day I got into a complicated transference thing with my husband; I expected him to unload the dishwasher and he decided to go to the race track instead :-) I said to him, "I'm disappointed you aren't going to unload the dishwasher first" and he explained to me his back was really hurting and he couldn't bend to do that without a lot of pain and he was hoping that he could distract himself from the pain by being at the race track. Well, I got into a horrendous transference mess at that moment :-) My stepmother (again) expected everything to be done right away, when it "needed" doing and always work before pleasure. And I was feeling put upon because now I was going to have to unload the dishwasher myself (who says, why can't it wait?). I had to argue with myself and ask myself good, pointed questions about what I wanted for my husband (Didn't I want him to feel better? Did I want the dishes first even if he didn't have the "excuse" :-) of a back problem? Who is in charge of making all these rules? Where'd they come from???) I managed to express feelings of true regret for his back pain and tell him by all means to go to the track and that I hoped it helped and was there anything I could do for him? But I got a run for my money thinking about transference and my lovely stepmother who, when I went to the bathroom after dinner would claim I was trying to get out of doing the dishes and would do them herself angrily and hold it against me (we're talking 2 minutes max that the dishes couldn't wait?).