Hi all.

I've finally reached the lowest point in my life now, the point where I really just have nothing to live for anymore. I really just want to "exit" now, go to sleep and never wake up .

I think I'm beyond depression already, I just don't feel anything at all, no sadness, no wanting to be loved again, no hatred, nothing. I'm turning 25 soon and I feel like I'm at the end of my life. Despite several university degrees (which I don't know how I managed) and always having a keen and curious scientific mind up until about 2 years ago, I am now an empty shadowy shell of who I once was. I have no more desire to do anything. I get the idea if I discussed this with people close to me, they'll just tell me that I'm way too young to quit, that marriage, children, promotions, good jobs, growing older and wiser, etc. still lie ahead for me, but it's so hard to describe - I'm really not interested in any of these things. The thought of these things, the "joys of life", almost makes me want to hurl. I can't believe I'm such a horrible, vile human being .

I've spent the last month with psychologists, trainers, etc. trying to find out my personality, what it is in life that will make me happy again - and nothing, absolutely nothing. I don't think I'll ever be happy. I feel so guilty for wasting their time too, and that of everybody who has to endure me daily. I genuinely am not interested in anything. I have no more talents or passions at all, they're all gone, I don't know where, how and why. The last time I had a hobby was about 5 years ago. Well, I say hobby, but it was just another obsession of mine - I have Asperger's Syndrome too, according to the latest diagnosis.

I've forced myself to accept several things about me - I'll probably never be able to be a normal employee at a company, because I won't be able to work with other normal people, I'll never be able to be truly in love with a woman - will never get married/have children, I'll never be happy in anything I do, and I'll probably never own my own business, because I'm a fool and can't work with people.

I've gone around everywhere, looked everywhere, trying to find that one bit of inspiration to save my life, that one thing that will make me want to wake up the next morning. But, alas, I have not found it, and I think this is it for me. I don't know what I'm going to do next .

I just want to say thanks to everyone who have read and commented on my posts since I joined and for all the hugs, it's the most I've ever received in my life ! And, I just want to say sorry to all the people out there who have had to endure me all this time, for whom I made it so difficult to be around . I never meant it, it was just my way of trying to feel something in this sea of emptiness I suppose.

Good luck to everyone who is struggling, and I truly wish that you never reach the point I have. All the best.