I relate to your feelings, in fact the main difference between us is age (and that is of no consequence). I know you're feeling bad, because I'm like that too. I worry about you because I can remember how it felt when I was younger, especially having no-one to talk to and being too scared to say to anyone what was happening. I also want someone to notice and care, but I'm scared of showing I'm vulnerable and I don't want to cause worry. It is mad to feel like that and be so contrary, wanting things and then not being able to accept those things if they are offered.

All I can say is that, in time you will get a little braver about reaching out and letting people reach out to you. It is a good thing that you are here on PC because there are lots of people who have been exactly where you are, but don't let PC stop you from getting support IRL.