I think you are really close to reaching out IRL. You recognise just how important it is to tell someone your feelings. When you do reach out you will be so overwhelmed by relief that you will forget about the fears you have of causing others worry and anxiety.

If you don't reach out and instead act on those other urges then you will cause people far more worry and hurt than you can ever believe possible right now. Trust me, I KNOW. I did something once and seeing how much pain I caused was much much worse than any problem I've had before or since.

Stay strong and know that there are always friends here on PC who want to keep you safe.