I talked to my grandmother via skype today. She has never really met her great granddaughter so I try to get the two of them face to face as much as possible. My grandmother also has cancer. She has been in a slow and painful decline for the last 5 years. I think she is finally in the last stages. She can't get out of bed anymore and can hardly breath.

I won't be able to go to the funeral since she lives in Peru and I live in the US which I accept but it sadens me.

Anyways my mind is a swirling mess right now. I know that this is the natural order of things and she really has had a full and complex life, and I know that feeling sad is part of the process. At the same time I am having a hard time pinning down any of my thoughts long enough to analize how I actually feel. I think I am disasociating