God, I remember those awful time where I felt exactly like you described, except I didn't function enough to type these words. I was first majorly depressed, then it became schizophrenia. My light came when I started taking drug x. I won't beat around the bushes, this drug works. I didn't understand and could not believe that I suffered all these years, thinking there is no hope, that a drug like this can drastically change my life. But it did, I just hope you don't give up hope, because it really is possible to be treated, and symptoms be alleviated. Don't give up.