I have so much to tell you guys about what happened!!!! I'll try to keep it short.....ha ha....

So, i emailed the 4 page list of "%#@&#!" going on with me. She had it ready when I arrived and had another copy for me too....I knew she would....

We went through it all, point (paragraph) by point. We addressed every single item on it. We went well over the time but she was so patient and incredible. She had many thoughts and new ideas and suggestions. It's soooo much to tell you guys, but overall I had this amazing session with her. Absolutely inspiring and strengthening for us. I hope I can keep this feeling.

So, to address some of your awesome posts above:
She loaned me a book to read...yay....!
Yes, taking "something" away from therapy feels great. Also she has some new ideas about where we will go and what we will work on. Also, she will give me more directed "homework", which makes me happy.

She brought up mindfulness!!!!! Yay, alex and others who've mentioned this, I smiled pretty big when she talked of this and she asked me if I had looked into this as I was smiling about it. I thought of you guys! I felt happy that we'll try to incorporate some of this.

Overall, I laid it all out.....how I feel about her, her approach and us......it was so intimidating and scary. I challenged the crap out of her! I asked her sooo many questions. She was great, answered everything and was very genuine. It became easier to "talk" to her and we felt more solidified. I asked her some difficult questions that she could've easily taken offense to but she was secure and reassuring.

The only thing I didn't like to hear was, in response to me telling her I wanted her to take control, she said, she has a problem with that and will not do that to me as abusers have in the past.

There's so much to tell.....but I want you all to gather courage and ask the questions you most need to.....even if you start with just one.......

It is very hard, but we cannot gain ground without these attempts. It's the only way to get unstuck if you're like me and wedge your t in a small box. Anyway, hope this *high* lasts and that I can remember these emotions when she makes me mad or I invalidate her in my head again........

If anyone has any questions or wants to know more personal stuff....just PM or post and I'll answer otherwise, I'll probably bore the crap out of you if I go on........

(((((((((thanks you guys))))))))))))))