Totally relate.
First trigger-adored father dies when I am ten.
Second trigger-I am abused in every way for the next eight years by my sociopathic grandmother.
Third trigger-beig raped by two soldiers whe I am in the army.
(People ask me if I saw combat. I say yes-with two drunke soldiers behind the barracks one night. I lost.)
So BP pops it's jolly head up and says I'm here!!!

I can't tell you not to be afraid. All I can tell you is that it doesn't last forever.