Hi MdngtRain, Never apologize/feel bad about not being around or just coming here when you need something!! That's what we're here for and the way you're feeling matters!!
If you're finding it hard to go along with what you're T advises, that's OK, you know best where you're at right now.
If you can try to do just a bit of what she's advised then great. Sometimes it can be a real battle to even do just a bit, and it can take a lot to push through, that doesn't mean to say that you're not getting anywhere though even if it feels that way to begin with.
But then if what you're trying really isn't working for you, then perhaps look for your own ways of "getting through". Now some of those may be "off the wall"/different to your "prescribed" ways of managing things which have come from your sessions but it's about what works for you that's important.
Perhaps look towards different art, different music, different writing/journaling, different forms of exercise, different perspectives, different ways of reaching out/expressing yourself or distracting yourself.
And this may be a stupid question (if so, sorry!!) but.......as for the "back door" self harm have you tried the old elastic band or ice cube methods of "giving you something"?
Still if you're finding things really hard, then you shouldn't have to wait till Friday for support. If you need support, you need support, end of!!
So if you can bring the appointment forward?? Or if you think you should contact a hotline?? Or if you could see your doctor??.........Or if you think it will help just hanging with/talking with us.........whatever will help you.........!!! You don't need to feel alone in this or do it alone.
Alison