hi tmctexas,
i too had pushed everyone that loved me way, my family and friends. that was 2 years ago, i have now managed to get my family back but my friends have all gone, they couldnt handle my depression, and after reading your post im uder the impression you are depressed. (im not a doctor so this is just my opinion)
i also understand when you write how you wake up feeling ugly & worthless, i understand because i feel the same most of the time, i put the situation my family and myself are in at the moment , is down to me.
please keep us posted about seeing a dr.
take care
dec xox