I used to say that people - coworkers, really - either loved me or hated me. But i think the ones who lved me were just more generous. They could see past the bad to the good. The bad being mostly my parental introjects, i think.

For instance, they didnt have consideration for my feelings, or for my friends feelings. But they would yell at me about how i treated people. Well, i just learned from them what to do; when push comes to shove, i eant what is convenient for myself, just as they did. That makes me untrustworthy and unable to empathize, and unable to trust my own judgment of other people. Being in therapy for reconstructive therapy - and being away from negative family influences - was the only way for me to change.

I lost weight the times i was away from my family. So maybe being in China will help you find your true self.