I am usually trying to cheer up others and working to make the most of my life by sharing knowledge. Depression has it's "triggers" and for me it comes in the form of often someone not listening to me and judging me before I can convey my thoughts. I can accept that no one is perfect but in my life I have met this issue numerous times. Generally I am told that "well so and so says this about you" and I am supposed to react with "oh sure, exactly like you say." But instead I am confronted with this statement and I say "I am not sure where this comes from but this is what is really happening." Then I get blown off in response to my own observations.
My recent trip to a psychologist was this way for me. I expressed interactions that have occurred in the past showing a way of treating me that had nothing to do with professionalism and positive interaction but instead belittling and misunderstandings that had more to do with the person bringing up the issue than in something I had done or said.
For example. My mother came over today and preached about God and the power of prayer and why or why do I not turn to God and save my soul from going to hell. I told her I pray each day and being a loving person who cares for others as I would care for myself is all that can be expected of me from God. She just went on yammering the same old song and dance about specific prayers and what God promises if I got to specifically the Catholic church and do these Catholic things.
Just retelling this is making me feel angry again. She left an hour ago and I was upset as I told her about the visit with the psychologist and his way of glossing over my life's experiences with a broad brush saying that I need to go to CBT (which from what I see on this forum is the answer for everything having to do with the psyche).
She started with the usual comments that all my stories are the same (they are far from it) in each case of being fired or quitting a job. I tried to reply and each time I was met with this reply and how "you don't listen, you just know everything." In fact I do not know everything but I research all I can before trying to develop a point of view or claim any knowledge of the topic of discussion. In the end as which is often the case she left in a huff stating that "well it sounds like you have all the answers" in reply to my interpretation of CBT and the mental help I am seeking. I guess I expected a listening ear and positive encouragement but instead it was the same old song of my ability to work in any job involving other people.
I have covered the issue in my introduction to the forum but in all cases I am not into the "stuff" my co-workers are into and in time the gossip starts and the management catches wind of these gossipy conversations. I am "not a team player" develops because I refuse to go a strip club or hang out at a bar after work. Truth be told if I am in an office with the same people for 8 hours each day then why the hell would I spend my off hours with them as well? I know nothing of sports yet it dominates every place I have been. You can feel the cold shoulder reactions from others when you cannot join in the talk. I just smile and nod my head and say things like "Go "insert team here."
Of course in retrospect I am into physics and science and I can't bring these topics up as in the past I met with "what do you think you know everything?" or the famous "if that's all true why are you working here?"
Talking about these happenings in my life has no effect on my perception or in dealing with the environments I would come to find myself in but yet I lead to believe that a therapist is going to offer me sage advice that until now has escaped me in searching for answers all over the internet and in myself. This has me utterly befuddled. In the very least writing this makes me feel better because I can see my line of thought laid out in black/white to review. But in the end it is venting that makes this feel better but changes nothing in real life.
Anyone have thoughts on these thoughts and observations?
