(((((Pompeii))))) <- those are hugs

Words cannot describe the pain in my heart that I feel for you. My heart breaks for you. And don't you feel bad about the feelings I'm having for you, mija. These are feelings of genuine caring and love.
First of all, I want to tell you how incredibly proud of you I am!!! The first time I ever opened up about my past childhood sexual abuse was on here. It sure was not easy at ALL. And because I was able to open up about it on here, that led to having enough courage to tell my counselor, which, was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. So please please please know that you are NOT alone in this, my dear. There are so many people who have gone through similar experiences and want to help you through (myself included, of course).

Yes, there is a diagnosis. You may have heard of it, it's called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. And the symptoms you are having, being triggered by people talking about things or people touching your throat, that is called hypervigilance. I get that a lot too. When any guy touches me for too long, or if a creepy guy touches me in some way, my skin crawls and I want to go 'hide in a safe place'. And the restroom is my best friend many times during the day, because it's the only place i can really go to be alone. Especially in a place that is super public. I completely understand that.

But you have to know, talking about it is the only way you can heal. You cannot heal from this if you do not open up about it. I know that from firsthand experience. Just like you, I thought that if I ignored it, or tried to forget about it, that it would all just go away. Don't tell the whole world, but do tell someone you trust. It won't be easy, but it is worth it. I promise, because I was in that exact place just a few months ago.
There is healing. There is. I promise you. It may take a very long time, but that doesn't mean it's not there. You can do this my dear, you can do this. I know that deep down inside of you there is a little girl who is asking for healing from the wounds (my younger self asks me that all the time. Sometimes she still cries and tells me she's not good enough for anything or anyone. But at times, she also encourages me, telling me that even though it's more than difficult, that I need to keep working through my past).

I know that deep down inside of you, you do have the strength to open up about it. Because you already have!! And that is no easy thing to do!! That takes a certain kind of strength. A certain kind of strength that you have!
Think about those last few sentences for a minute.

Mija, I am here for you. Always. Always always always.
I care.