Oh Dear One! I'm sorry for what you've had to endure! You certainly aren't alone though. Many of us have had similar horrific experiences. We are not responsible for the abuse. You are not responsible for the abuse. The shame and the fault is squarely on their shoulders, not ours. Are you in school still? Can you talk with a guidance counselor in school? Or your family doctor? It really does help to talk with someone and I have found therapy to be very helpful for me. I was abused quite horribly for 33 years of my life. Physical, mental, emotional, verbal, sexual... abuse of all types. There is healing for your pain. You are taking the first steps now by reaching out here and telling your history (I don't like saying "telling your story" story sounds like something made up, you are telling the truth of your life, therefore, your history). I applaud you for your strength! Keep going!!! The others who have responded have also given good advice and great links. Follow up on them. Remember, you are not at fault, you've been hurt enough! Please don't punish yourself further, please don't hurt yourself more! Find the help and support you need to heal.