Simon,

I do agree that in general it's still "taboo" as you say, for men to show emotion. It's a shame it's still like that to a degree-- but yes, it's changing! I'm sorry you struggle with that.

With that said-- I grew up with parents that -- both-- didn't want emotion shown. I was ignored or made fun of if I got angry-- and would never dream of crying in front of my family-- I never did.(what a wimp!-- according to my parents and a few siblings that are like my parents) It's like we were all supposed to be robots or something! This expectation has been a part of the dysfunction amongst my family.(a deceased sister, 2 other alcoholic siblings)

The "key" I believe, is that-- each person is different-- male or female- some are less emotional than others and some are more. It shouldn't be an issue of right or wrong--male or female-- it's emotions(IMO). If a parent forces their way of dealing with things onto their children and their children are on a different "emotional spectrum" -- then is makes things very difficult.

Maybe if you can distance yourself, to a degree, from your father and see that the way he deals is the way he deals and the way you deal with things is YOUR way. Your way is not wrong if it works for you and his way is not wrong if it works for him. Does that make sense?

What I'm trying to say is-- there is no right way to be. We are all so different-- I would never expect my mother to cry or show compassion towards me, now that I'm an adult-- because that's the way things work for her. --- though sadly, she is unable to accept the way things are for me..........

Simon-

mandy