Lately I've had really poor judgement. I can tell I'm making bad decisions, but I don't care and I do it anyway. So I've been taking unnecessary risks. I don't know what is driving it. Maybe I'm just bored and lonely, and looking for adventure. Maybe I just want to feel something intense. I don't know why I feel the need to do dangerous things. It's like I make a decision to do something, and there is no turning back, even though I know it is dangerous. I haven't been sleeping much, but I don't think I'm hypo or depressed. Just really deeply flawed. I can't seem to accept anything without fighting against it. I don't know if this is really a bipolar thing, I think it's probably more a weakness of character. I've never really cared about keeping myself safe, well maybe not never, but there have been a lot of times in my life that I don't care about it. I'm very nihilistic. I'm not suicidal, I just really don't care about anything right now. . I was up until 5 am last night, then slept until noon, which was good because I needed to sleep since I've only been getting about 3 hours a night for the past few days. I made plans with a guy I met online in the middle of the night last night to meet up today. I don't think doing that would be good for me. But he's texting, and I just haven't responded. I haven't decided how to respond. I don't know if I can be the person he is expecting. Anyways, I don't even know why I am writing this, because nothing really matters. Life just goes on and on, and most of the time it's pretty meaningless.