I second the idea of NOT going to see that guy...I don't think it's a good idea at all. I know when I don't sleep I crash pretty hard into an irritable depression after just a few days (3) that may it may not lift when I finally get proper sleep. I think the no sleep issue needs to be addressed. If you have Seroquel you can take that, though that defeats your idea that you don't want to be on an AP. I know your pdoc doesn't approve so you can't get a script for a benzo to calm you down. The only other thing is Benadryl and I'm not sure it will help you. But you could try.

I understand the apathy All too well. It's what drove me to go off meds back on feb 28. I felt flat and numb and dead so I was like why even bother taking this if it's not going to help anyway? **** that. Who cares if I live or die? But people would care, somehow. Beats me as to why. So I'm sure people would care if you got into trouble to.

I don't know if it's a bipolar thing. I know I can trace my unwillingness to care for myself back to events of my childhood and how I was taught in a dysfunctional family (you don't matter even the slightest bit, you are only here to care for everyone else). Maybe something like that, although I wouldn't say a weakness of character.

I hope you arrive at a decision you can live with regarding saphris. And DOT SEE THAT GUY.