Thank you once again for keeping this thread going RJ... you are wonderful - you gave your presentation. YaHoo - I do believe that it was for both of us... a part of the long journey back.

My journey continues (I have been in hiding) ... putting good food in my tummy. Also putting in very bad food in my tummy. I CHOOSE to dewel on the good food that I have gotten in.

IBS - truely one of the most humiliating conditions.

I went to lunch with a friend - usually we eat breakfast every few weeks - when I started 3-4 years ago I couldn't eat at all - I'm up to an egg and toast. Let's just say lunch is yet a new learning experience - a reuben sandwhich sooo goood yet sooo fast thru my system.

Another step forward for me - seeing my new T twice a week. Letting him help me instead of fighting therapy - YaHoo!!

Thanks to the suggestions on the board, I found a way to get good food in the house consistantly. YaHoo !!!!!!!!www.samsclub.com - - they have a click and pull - you shop on-line and they get it all boxed up ready for pick-up. I have a store about 10 minutes away. I also found in desparate situations that there is a man whose business it is to shop for you - about 40 dollars a time but he gets food and delivers it.. So in terms of my ED - another step forward on the journey. Not having any food in the house was very distrubing. I mean no food.

Another step in the journey, my 22 year old son - I have just since as recently as last night realized that no matter how much I love him, I cannot allow him to hurt me.... by constantly manipulating me and upsetting me so much I binge and binge every time I have contact. He wants money - my money - not that I have that much. I cannot look for him to love me - his girlfriend has convinced him of the "evils" of an ED - things like we are controlling people, that my OD disrupted their family life (all he did was come over to my house for 15 minutes). So I have made arrangements with a lawyer to have my remains cremated - no funeral - who would want to come to a funeral for me anyway. I have also done my will - spelling out dispursement of my estate to my son at increments so he doesn't get in trouble. Another step in my journey - being realistic.

So future step in the journey is to find some people that care about me - this will be a huge step for me. So far, I'm thinking this is impossible but mircles do happen.

My sleep apena so defeated me that my toes turn purple - so a future step will be for me to gain confidence that I won't regurgate into my mask so I won't be scared to use it.
The specialist put me on oxygen for next 4 months. The doctor was totally freaked out.

And Razeljenny, I hope that you and I and others will keep this thread - it helps me so much. I hope that helps others too.

Sincerely,
freewill