I guess that I'm at the point where I try so hard to figure out what it is that makes people dislike me so often and try so hard to cancel these things out, but I am prone to meanness from others. Despite how I may rub people the wrong way, I don't deserve to be cyberbullied, called names, talked about at work, be lied to, or ditched. I do not treat people I do not like this way. There has to be a point in which I realize that I deserve better and that though I can work on stuff, it isn't ALL my fault. Maybe most people just suck.

It feels good to accept this in a way because it's a step towards loving myself anyway, but I'm not quite there. I've been tempted to cry for three days.

The nail was hit on the head with:

"If I think someone is rude or petty or unkind, no matter how nice I try to be to them they can sense how I really feel. So quit blaming yourself. It's just that you don't have the tools to be dishonest and that is not a bad thing."

I just want to love and be loved and I feel that everyone else is ruining it.