I realize this is one most repeated phrases in the history of abused women, but, after a week & a half I let him come back home. Now, the 15 years we've been together there has been so much ugliness between us both, but I had never thrown him out. I'd like to believe it triggered the changes he has made. He is seeking counseling, quit drinking & smoking pot and he got a job making more money than he's ever made. I'm trying to make some changes myself because I was never truly a victim. I was often cold & cruel and we beat each other down over the years. Also I had also put my hands on him (I am a vicious fighter). In the end his wrongs most likely outweighed mine, but, maybe we can help each other learn to use some kindness. I finally had to take medical leave of my job. The blackouts are increasingly frequent & I just can't pretend anymore. Waiting for a court date for disability and I am trying to build my case. Do know, my friends that should my husband choose to revert to his old ways, it will be over. But wish us luck. I'm choosing to hope we will have a wonderful future.