(((((((((((((( Jax ))))))))))))) Sorry you feel lonely, it's a horrible feeling. I think you express yourself well on here and have good insight into yourself which is an excellent start to making real friends IRL..... at least those are my thoughts. You aren't pathetic at all..... I think you're very strong staying away from your family as you feel so terrible about yourself after seeing them..... I can certainly relate to that with my family.
btw I have no kids and probably won't.(kinda given up on that idea for lots of reasons ...).. its just me and Mr Bear. You have plenty of time to meet Mr(?) Jax and I for one am proud to call you a friend on here

Take care,
Fuzzy