I am posting this in emotions because it's more about me coping with my emotions over what has happened. If it belongs in relationships my apologies in advance.

The facts (things I can say with absolute certainty and no bias happened.)

*He declared himself a mental terrorist.
*But said he would never hurt me like that because he had no reason to mess with my head. (This always felt to me like he was saying I wasn't worth the effort required to do so.)
*He admits to "sheltering" me from his angry side when we first met.
*Being the first to start conversations became "I just don't like to message first"
*He demanded the only people on my friends lists in games be women.
*He actively pursued a relationship with someone else (with my permission although it was only supposed to be physical and he admits to "really liking" this girl) and admits to taking his anger out on me when it didn't work out.
*Sex (as it was) stopped six months or so before our relationship ended and he gave me at least 3 different excuses. (Including I had become too straight.)
*When I met him he claimed not to have had sex in years through no choice of his own. Now he says he's so sexy women find him irresistible.
*He claims to be confident but got seriously angry when he thought I was calling him skinny. (I said his penis was the size of a small child's arm. He thought I was talking about him having arms the size of a child's.)
*He forgave and unforgave me 3 times for a transgression that happened long before I even believed we were capable of a relationship (and that he had condoned although he later claimed he was joking when he said I could see other people. Actually many things I took issue with he claimed were jokes and I was being over sensitive.)
*On at least one occasion this forgiveness was earned with conditions. (That I not whine at him for a month.)
*When I tried to walk away he suddenly became the person I met. Just like that. A switch, flicked.
*Our last argument he told me over and over again that if I wanted to leave I had the power to do it and that he wasn't going to make it easy for me.

*He has made absolutely no effort to contact me since.
If he were truly an NPD he wouldn't have let me go that easily, would he?

I know these happened. I know that many of them if not narcissistic were at least inappropriate and still I question myself.

Is he really as bad as I thought he was? Am I just devaluing him? Am I just being over sensitive? Maybe he wasn't that bad, it's only compared to who I thought he was. Maybe he wasn't that great to begin with and I just idealized him. Maybe I was the one that broke him. He says he's a nice person, if he's not that person around me maybe I'm the problem.

I don't hate him. If he was really that bad shouldn't I hate him?

Maybe it's all just me and I deserve what ever pain is thrown my way because I break everything good in my life

He wasn't all bad.

I remember when he did a special quest in a game just to get me a flower.

And he was so patient with me and my haphazard gaming style (and shiny obsession) when we played together.