NOTE: I apologize for this post's length and appreciate anyone who reads through it. Thank you for your time!

I know my mom loves me and cares about me. But sometimes she says things that lower my self-worth and make me feel bad about myself. It started in my first year of high school. I didn't get the best grades but she made it seem like I had no future whatsoever. At first, I cried my own mother would think that, then I began to believe her. She would continue to make me feel bad throughout the rest of high school, whether she was aware of it or not.

Sometimes, if I messed something up, she would call me out on it, bring my my past mistakes, and even insult with bad names. Other times, she would be take a teacher role and show me what I'm doing wrong and correct me. But mostly she just yells at me, and I can tell she's just taking out her anger of a completely unrelated problem out on me. If I fight back, she just yells at me more.

Eventually, I got used to her fits and yelling and name-calling. I would try to block out her mean words. But there's only so much I could take. Every now and then she would say something that would cause me to break. I would cry when my parents are asleep because my mom angrily questions why I'm crying, like I have no reason to be sad.

Enter my brilliant idea to move out and be on my own. I'm 18, have no job or work experience. I set realistic goals to move out once I got a stable job (and save up some money) after I get my bachelor's. So I don't expect to move out for a few years. I even convinced to friend to room with me so we can split the rent. However, my mom did not take that idea too kindly when she checked my phone while I was showering. (No privacy, for shame.)

She went ballistic and kept asking me why I wanted to leave. I tried to explain it was a) because I would have to leave sometime and b) I couldn't take her constantly putting me down. She didn't listen and called my dad, crying. He had to leave work to come home and sort things out. I tried to explain it wasn't like I going to leave overnight and when I do leave I would come back to visit.

My mom just accused me of abandoning her and being ungrateful. She didn't speak to me for a few days. Now we're walking on eggshells. For years she's always using the "your dad works two jobs to support us" card to guilt me into getting good grades and, recently, into not leaving. She lived with her mom until she got married at 27 (and then moved to the United States) and probably expects me to do the same thing. Moving from my parents' house to my husband's house does not appeal to me, and I tried explaining this, but my mom just CAN'T understand. She was raised in a different land with different principles. But I think differently and sometimes I feel she's trying to make me feel bad for having different ideas. She said that the least I could do is show gratitude by getting a job to help my parents with the bills instead of running off with a random friend to Lord-knows-where.

My mom can be controlling and gives the impression she must always be right, even when I KNOW she isn't. But when I try to explain that to her she shuts me out or redirects the conversation to put me at fault. She says everyone is accusing her of being the bad guy and then plays the victim. She has issues she does not want to face with therapy and I doubt she'll send me to therapy even though my aunt recommends it.

I know she's my mom and she cares about me but sometimes she treats me like a lowly employee instead of her daughter. She orders me around, even for obvious tasks like washing the dishes after eating. I sometimes call her out on it because I'm not an idiot and have to be told every little thing.

I don't like coming home and try to stay as long as I can at school. I don't like to talking to her cause either she just pretends to listen or wants to get information out of me so she can hurt me with it later. She made me stop talking to my friend because she resents her for "encouraging" me to move out instead of telling me that I'm making a mistake. I tried reasoning that "maybe she thought she had no right to criticize my decision, unlike a certain someone." My mother just claimed that because she's my mother she can criticize my decisions.

I'm tired of being insulted, being yelled at, and being the sole person who's wrong in this current situation. I want to get away from my mom, but I'm forced to stay because I can't support myself financially yet. I can't even "take a walk" to cool off if our arguments get heated because I'm afraid to come back and have my existence ignored AGAIN.

Our relationship is strained because of our clashing personalities, especially now with my idea of leaving. My mother won't listen to/understand my reasoning, and I doubt she ever will considering how she was raised. So far, I think removing myself from the situation is the best solution, albeit it will take a few years, but I know this isn't the only one. How can we mend our relationship before it worsens?