I've been hanging in there since the fall of 2012. I've had days like you talk about when I wish it would just end. Somedays are a little better, but for the most part it's pretty tough. I hope they find a med that will stablize you. I've become satisfied with just not being suicidal. But I get by one day a time. Old cliche but it has worked for me. Hold on. Thinks can get better.