Ok, so around 10:30 PM, my husband went to sleep, and I was laying in bed, watching my favorite channel-- Court TV, of course. I was also eating some chocolate cupcakes that come three in a package. I had the package resting on my chest. Next thing I know, it's 2 AM, I still have all my makeup on, and I hear some crunching, like plastic wrap. I look down, and the freaking cupcakes are still on my chest. So I get up, wash my face, take my meds, shove the rest of the cupcakes in my face (wasn't wasting those, even at this hour). and realize that I'm seeing T in 14 and a half hours. I have been planning the whole week to go in and be honest, telling him the whole thing about how I was mad because he didn't suggest extra sessions, when meanwhile I can't even fit them into my schedule. I want to tell him how I connected this to how I've acted in my relationship with my husband, and I want to tell him how therapy is working because before this, I never realized these connections-- I never thought before I acted on that type of anger, I just behaved. However, there is the other side of me, the side that doesn't think before I act on it-- the side that says, hey... even though you have thought so deeply on this, you still got mad at him, so act the part! I don't want to waste time acting mad at him. This is the first time I have ever recognized my pattern so deeply. I wanted to share this with him, it's just too bad that to do so, includes admitting something really embarassing, i.e. that I wanted to see him more than once per week, and when he didn't suggest it, I got mad. So this is what I'm planning on, and I really hope I can do it. Well, if you guys don't see me on here for awhile, you'll know I'm probably hiding under a large piece of furniture, and not coming out for a couple weeks.

Sidony-- I'm actually also worrying what I'm going to wear! It's 2-freaking-thirty in the morning, I have to wake up in four hours for work, and I'm worrying about what I'm going to wear to T. But it's raining. And it might change to sleet/snow. That makes the whole decision more difficult.

OK, that's it. I need to either get help or go back to bed, and since I obviously need to do both, I will start with going back to bed.