Hey there. I'm terribly sorry for the hell you must be going through , my heart is with you . How have you been able to hold out until 32? I commend you, you are strong! And as for your parents saying that you have no faith - they are delusional, being able to live through all this, you must have inner faith.

And please also remember this, always, the way they are portraying God to you through their church is not the True way God works, He loves you always and is in the same amount of pain because you are suffering. The real truth is, almost all of the churches present on earth today would be rebuked and scolded by Jesus if he were to walk the earth today the way he did 2000 years ago. It's not about who is the strongest, the toughest, and most happy. The people he saved were the people in the greatest pain, those ridiculed by other people in more powerful positions, the oppressed people. I'm not going to quote Bible verses, because my mind is too stupid to remember all the little chapters and numbers, but I know some things Jesus said and I truly believe it - Those who are first shall be last and those who elevate themselves shall be humbled, but by the same token those who are last shall be first and those who are humble shall be elevated. Your parents take a real high road on you and they are really elevating themselves above you - don't be put down by this, because these power trips all end someday. I don't go to church either anymore, because I did not feel welcome, people always judged me and looked at me, because I look different, I look like someone "gone wrong" and "demon possessed" if you know what I mean. Don't worry about that, even if you quietly talk to God in your room while nobody knows, He will hear you. He listens for those who cry out to him for help. I wish to use the word "pray", but that immediately conjures up images of sitting on your knees, with hands clasped, reciting some "standard prayer". I know I'm maybe not making much sense, but I wish to show you that RELIGION is not important, FAITH is. You can go to church ten times a week (i.e. religion) and some people do, but I'll tell you here now today that those people are the one's weakest in faith. Religion and traditions, practicing it day in and day out, does not make you a better Christian, or servant of God. They are people who believe more is better, more church makes you happier, etc. etc., I'm telling you, 90% of this world's got it wrong. And how do you have faith? You need to believe in YOURSELF first of all, believe that you can take control. We lack faith in ourselves because OTHER people tell us we can't do things. Anybody who puts people down, are nothing but agents of Satan! They are the demons. Ask yourself, has one of those people ever tried to help you? No, they mock you. So many people miss the tactics of true evil, it will turn those closest to you against you, children against parents, parents against children, father against son, and son against father. Mother against daughter. It knows your deepest secrets, wants and desires. It knows you can't stand the pain and stress and that you would do anything to get rid of it. So it works through those around you, even your parents, who say "do what we say then it'll go away", in other words "praise and serve us".

And, you said you went for an exorcism - and it didn't work! Why? You're not the one with the demons! Demons do exist, but they range in strength and function. Those that shout and shriek on the TV programs are normally not demons, but something worse, because they have actual names, designated by capital letters in the beginning - these can be spirits of fallen angels, princes of hell, and the like. Demons are usually more of a "practical" debilitating nature, manifesting physically with symptoms such as something like a disease (e.g. cancer, bacterial infection), alcoholism, drug-abuse, lust, rage, aggression, depression - and these "possess" us by controlling our lives and influencing the way we think - mind control - i.e. demonic possession. But it's a real thing, way more subtle than the rubbish on TV. I would not nominate these programs on TV (Paranormal, Haunting, blah blah blah) as the real thing - it's rubbish and these people are setting themselves up for a rude awakening. Besides, man has become pretty smart already by inventing pills and stuff to minimize the effects of such possession. The pain you feel is probably caused by a demon, but the cowboy way people handle these things (so-called exorcisms for example) are exacerbating the problem, not solving it. Demons or "devils" laugh at your attempts at first, but keep going and you really begin to piss them off, and they get angry. The best way to combat these things is by educating yourself as much as possible, and by that I mean become a seeker of the real truth. Don't accept other people's answers at face value, it's possibly evil cloaked in a shroud of a good helping hand. And just one last final Bible "quote" - those who "teach" and lead others, must be especially careful of what they teach, because they hold more accountability than those being lead. That's scary, considering how many ministers today are, perhaps without their knowing, actually leading people astray and cementing the lies of Satan on earth. He hides his work in religion, by showing you more religion is better, makes you happier, and he "proves" this by showing you - "Look! these church people are happy, they mock you because you're weak and flawed, be stronger, toughen up!". He's got the whole world fooled unfortunately and when you truly begin to look around you, you begin to see his work everywhere, in almost all people! For example, most people who go to church would say, "yes, I believe Christ did raise the paralyzed man from his bed, and made him walk", but I can guarantee you, ask that person what they think for real, or better yet, ask someone who has a disabled family member if they really believe their loved one will walk again, and they'll say, "well, of course not, he's spinal cord is severed, and anybody with a bit of sense will know it's impossible to walk again after that". Who told them that? The doctors of the world? How stupid! Since when are humans all-knowing and have they seen all the possible outcomes? How do they know the spinal cord can't be healed? How do they know, for sure, that someone with a severed spinal cord can never walk again? We know everyday medicine is making new discoveries, and many of the so-called scientists are now beginning to realise the stuff in the Bible is for real, and totally possible! I truly believe that Christ did make the paralyzed man walk, for sure, I don't know how, but He did, and one day, we, with our stupid human brains, will find out how. And, that is what I'm trying to get across, what real faith is - believing in something "absurd", "ridiculous", "impossible", and then showing this damn world that it can be done, YOUR way! And, if people are calling you these things - smile, because you're on the right track, since you believe in yourself. I hope I am making sense in this extremely long post . I'm sorry for making your eyes tired! I'm just trying to say you should never give up on yourself. That's pretty rich coming from me though, I wish I could follow the stuff I'm telling you - I have wanted to give up so many times already, it's not even funny. I am "possessed" by several "demons" - depression, anger, overeating, the list goes on and on. I don't think any human being has the answer to your life, maybe not even us ourselves, but we get glimpses, and we must make sure that we see things in their true form, not cloaked.

I know you asked for advice, and I'm not going to tell you that you should definitely do this, but I think you should get out of your parents control, for sure, because it's breaking your spirit rather than helping you. Nobody ever cares about people like us, but I also know what it's like to be controlled by your parent(s), and it's probably the worst impact anything could have on your life. Child abuse, beating, and all that stuff leaves, relative to controlling parents, more physical scars than mental scars in children, and everybody is always like "oh shame, oh shame, you poor thing". They clearly have never met narcissistic controlling parents before, the effect on your life is ten times worse than any beating or abuse that can ever be dealt to you. It robs you of your identity, and any chance of having a normal adult life. Many abuse victims are healed, but "control" victims are scarred for life. So, if it's any consolation, I have a good idea of what you're talking about. I know it all to well.

All the best to you, and I hope you can finally find the freedom to live! You can send me a personal message (PM) any time if you want to chat. I genuinely feel for you, because I kind of know what you're experiencing - mine is not as bad as yours. And I know what depression does too, the sneaky swine! It hides all your passions and talents from you so that you can't make a decision as to what to do next. You feel totally lost and not in touch with anything. You even forget the stuff you used to love. It's truly a ridiculous disease to have. I wish so much happiness to you, for you to be free and successful. And again, I'm so sorry for the hell you're experiencing. Many hugs times 10!